Thoughts of a Spy
by Earwen Uruviel Tinuviel
Summary: Songfic and my first one at that. After the Climax of GoF Severus prepares to leave to spy on Voldemort and contemplates his role and decisions in his life therof


Title: Thoughts of a Spy  
  
A/N This fic is not a part of "Harry Potter and the Unsuspecting Savior" This just came to me one day and I wrote it down but have just now gotten around to typing it. Let's just say that I felt inspired and hope that everybody who reads it likes it. This story is set right after the Climax of Goblet of Fire right after Snape left the Hospital Wing. This is my interpretation of what possible thoughts are going through Snape's head as he prepares to leave to go and Spy on Voldemort.  
  
This is a Songfic to the song "Nobody Knows Who I Am" from the musical Jekyll and Hyde by Frank Wildhorn and Leslie Bricusse so the song doesn't belong to me!!!  
  
This story is entirely from Snape's Point of View and will stand alone and only be this one chapter.  
  
Read and Review if you want but please no flames....this is my first songfic and I'm not sure if it's any good.  
  
lines contained in quotations are the lyrics from the song  
  
  
disclaimer: I OWN NEITHER THE SONG NOR SNAPE OR HARRY OR DUMBLEDORE!!! SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!!!  
Warning: contains spoilers for GoF, consider yourself warned.  
  
  
  
  
"look at me and tell me who I am, why I am, what I am."  
  
I go about my preparations, ignoring the steady and annoying twinge of pain that my dark mark is giving me.  
  
This is the true sign that the Dark Lord has returned.  
  
My anger is still flowing freely through my blood because of that imbecile Fudge.  
  
His ignoring the situation is not going to make an already difficult job, any easier.  
  
  
  
"Call me a fool and it's true, I am; I don't know who I am."  
  
I dig out my old death eater robes and while I put them on I curse the day that I voluntarily accepted these robes and had this wretched mark burned into my arm.  
  
How very blind, naive and foolish I was.  
  
  
"It's such a shame, I'm such a sham. No one knows who I am."  
  
A sudden thought overtakes me as I look at myself in the mirror. Disgusted by the reflection staring back at me.   
  
A dark though creeps into my head that tells me that what I'm doing is pointless because I will never be redeemed from the wrongs that I've consciously committed.  
  
I shake my head to rid my brain of the rediculous thought and think to myself that at least I'm trying to redeem myself.   
  
Whether I get to be totally redeemed is another story but at least I'm trying instead of continuing down the path of darkness.  
  
  
"Am I the face of the future? Am I the face of the past?"  
"Am I the one who must finish last?"  
  
Confusion.  
That's what I feel right now. And I absolutely detest the feeling.  
  
Part of me knows that what I'm doing is of a great importance and help to the Wizarding World as a whole.   
  
It's not easy spying on the most Evil Wizard in a century. I still don't know how I do it every time I go but miraculously Voldemort hasn't found out about my double role.  
  
The man is so stupid that he thinks that spying on Dumbledore!  
  
  
"Look at me and tell me who I am, why I am, what I am."  
"Will I survive? Who will give a damn if no one knows who I am?"  
  
Fear  
  
That's the next feeling that washes over me.  
  
I know how fine the line is that I tread and I have a feeling that my days are numbered and that Voldemort will somehow catch on to my Double Agent role.  
  
I mentally kick myself at my foolishness because I know that everybody on Voldemort's side thinks that I'm still loyal due to how I act towards my students and specifically the Potter Boy.  
  
My thoughts suddenly flick to the boy and a picture shows up inside my head.  
  
It is the face of a devastated fourteen year old boy who was screaming at the Minister, trying to get him to pull his head out of the sand, but who is now laying asleep in the Hospital Wing.  
  
I shudder to think what that child went through tonight and seriously wonder how the boy is going to deal with and come out of what has happened and is sure to follow.  
  
  
"Nobody knows, not even you. No one knows who I am."  
  
Having completed my preparations I leave my dungeon living quarters and head up towards the Entrance Hall only to be met by Albus who puts a hand on my shoulder and lightly squeezes and bids me a safe journey and to come back safely.  
  
I bid him farewell myself and walk out of the doors towards the apparition barrier and with a pop I disapparate to my 'master'.  
  
  
The End  
So what did you think? Review and tell me please! 


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